is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize