I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
