The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
