I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
