There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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