I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
