Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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