Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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