I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
