It's like God shit irony all over that family
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize