She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize
