I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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