i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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