If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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