don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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