Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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