just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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