you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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