i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
