That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
