the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
