Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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