only you would photoshop your dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
