giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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