I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
