Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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