My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
