they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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