I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
