if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
