dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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