I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
