you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
