I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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