i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
