We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
