tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
