Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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