why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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