I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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