me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The adults are the big ones right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
