we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
