Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize