We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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