In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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