that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
