I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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