I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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