I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
