I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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