Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
