You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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