I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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