Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
