Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
