I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
