Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
