Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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