The maid of honor just puked.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
