found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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