You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
