so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
