come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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