Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
