My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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