So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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