You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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