We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
