oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
