I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
