just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
