i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My life is pants optional.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize