bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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