don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize