Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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