Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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