I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i came on her dog
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
