You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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