Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
