Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
